On Community

When we moved away from our rental a year ago into our new neighborhood we had no idea what to expect here in regards to a community. We had lived in the previous town for 6 years and so much had happened during that time! We had initially moved there to be close to the university for Ron, and we had also joined a faith community. Our church was right down the street, as was the college, Sarah's school, dance studio, and Ron's later place of employment. Our gas bills were very low back then! We ended up becoming close friends with some of our neighbors which was amazing and such a blessing at the time! We would share food, have barbecues together, hang out and watch movies, take walks together, (I miss those walks Allison!), laugh together and cry together. Two of our neighbors were studying to be nurses so we would get free health checks off and on, and advice when we got injured, (I fractured my tail bone, ouch!) It was a community utopia for a time and I couldn't imagine not having that support and love. In fact, I feared losing it...

Well, all good things must come to an end and when it ended it was over, there was nothing left there for us, and we were more than ready to move on. We moved to the next town over not knowing anyone close by really and wondered how God would knit us into this community. We knew some people a few blocks away, but not well, and at first it felt pretty isolating here. As the months wore on we were amazed to see how we found families and made friends in the area; it was uncanny. We've gotten to know the family we knew who lived a few blocks down. They are awesome people, so full of faith and love. They have a boy and girl just like us and I pass down Justin's clothes to their little guy and we switch off babysitting for date nights. Ron knows a co-worker who lives a few blocks further as well. He and Ron both love to garden and we share our veggies with them and they give us home pressed apple juice and awesome gifts for our garden. We have dinner with them off and on and their cooking is so delicious! I met another family through a friend who lives a few blocks away as well. They are on the same spiritual journey I'm on and "get" where I'm at. I'm so blessed to have found them! So a mere year later, and we have three families we're friends with who live just a few blocks away in our little community!

The other day we had a dinner that was mostly from our garden: Potatoes and herbs, a fresh salad with carrots and peas, and spaghetti flavored with herbs from our herb garden. After dinner we went out and picked some lettuce, spinach, carrots and potatoes, loaded them into bags and went on a walk through our neighborhood dropping off our garden bounty and veggie starts to our friends a few blocks away. It was the most wonderful evening! Our hearts felt full and we were loving our community.

That night has gotten me thinking a lot about the meaning of community. I always thought that community was a place you had to set up - a place that had to be painstakingly planned in every way. The element of fear was always there - what if someone moves away?, what if God takes us away from our support system?, etc. What I'm realizing is that God is fully capable of setting up community anywhere! It's a no brainer for Him. We're the ones who add in the complications and strings to the whole situation making things much more complicated and messy.

I look around us now at the community we're blessed with and I'm in total awe. Community has come to us in such an incredible way and now we get to nurture it and see it grow in beautiful ways. I feel so lucky - SO blessed! I cherish our neighbors more than ever because I feel they're a gift God has given me. I don't feel like I deserve it, but the universe has smiled on us and we're blessed.

Say No To Road Kill

I rarely vent here on my blog. I feel it should be a happy place that others can come to, which is a good thing, right? It is, but lately I've been feeling the need to let some things out, to "let her rip" as they say. I see others letting loose on their blogs and honestly it feels good to see that I'm not the only one who faces difficulties, struggles, etc. in my life. Not that I'm happy about their struggles, I'm not, I just like to see that others who always seem to have their act together are human as well and have days that they wished they could hit the delete button on. So that's my little disclaimer - you've been warned! If you don't want to read a vent then please, by all means don't read further! It may get a bit chunky, but I promise I won't use any expletives or say anything that could get me arrested!!

So today I opened up my face book page and I see this quote a friend had posted: "In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down." - Brian Weir. This quote was like music to my ears - I really needed to read this today! For years I've been working on kicking the habit of playing the victim. I know quite well that I am responsible for my actions and that others are responsible for theirs, ya da ya da ya da. But, there are times when all of that training and work I've done to reprogram myself goes out the window and I feel like I'm on the ground becoming road kill yet again for the bullies in my life. The bullies - we all have them around. The people in our lives who don't respect us, who seem to try to push the buttons that make us go off, who cause us hurt and pain - and the hardest thing about it all is that they do NOT seem to care about how we feel!! They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and they lay the blame on us. It hurts, it's unfair, it's unjust.

Such a situation happened this week. A similar scenario has happened before with this person but on a much grander scale. For some reason this time I felt really sad when they decided to "go there" yet again. I was surprised I wasn't angry this time. I think all the anger has been beaten out of me honestly. I would have thought that they would have learned a lesson after the first round, that they would have become more respectful, that they would have learned from the past...oops, here I go again with the "they" thing. See, it's really not about them, it's about me. I tried to learn from the past. I agonized for days, weeks, months about what I could have done differently. How did we ever get to this place? What happened? But none of that matters either. I can't go back, I can't change the past. I can only deal with what I have in front of me and make the best of it. There is so much more I could say, the story is long, much too long for any blog post.

So here I am today mulling over the phrase and I ask myself, "Am I laying down...oh my Gosh - I am!!! Why am I laying down?" It's easier to lay down honestly. Getting up requires energy, strength and fortitude. In this situation it takes all of my energy to hoist myself back up from a horizontal position and pull myself up by my boot straps. Dang it's hard! But luckily I don't have to do it alone. God is there to help. But why isn't He making it easier? Why isn't He telling people to help me out here? Wouldn't that make more sense? It's part of the process, it's my journey and my road. I knew it wouldn't be easy, He told me that. He said He would be with me though, not make it all go away. But I want it to all go away!!! Perhaps He is trying to help it all go away but I'm not listening. I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and they don't care - the bullies that is. They...there I go again.

I follow a radical faith, a faith that makes no sense at times. A faith that calls people to give up their under wear if their clothes are stolen. (Seriously, it's in the Bible.) A faith that calls people to let someone hit them again; to make that second punch easy. This second round was different. I went out of my way to die to myself, to be a nice person even though I knew they wouldn't return the favor. I think that's why it hurts so bad...I really tried, why didn't they? There is a fine line between laying down and turning the other cheek. There really is. Laying down means giving up, giving in. Turning the other cheek is strategic. I'm still learning the fine line between the two. I thought I had it down, but I'm realizing I'm still a novice.

It's not about the fight and it's not about what they do. It's about me, period. All these emotions of anger, fear, doubt and anxiety that rear their ugly heads are here for a reason. They haven't died yet obviously; they're alive and well. People talk about karma coming back to people; call it what you will - justice has a way of winning in the end. Even when all the world seems blind to it the scales will tip eventually - it's just a matter of time. In the meantime I'm scraping myself off of the road and refusing to end up in a burger at the road kill cafe.

The Fourth Big Change of The Year!

Well, it's officially official: WE'RE HOME OWNERS!! A while back I did a post titled "2008 - The Year of Change." I outlined three major changes we had experienced in 2008 and left one more to be announced. At the time we were still in escrow on the house that would become our future home. Now, after over 100 days in escrow, (I need to get the official count!), the day has finally come! On Friday the mortgage became officially ours, and today we will get the keys and have the title transferred into our names. The fact that we are home owners feels surreal, and I don't think it has truly "set in" yet. It seems like an eternity ago that we began house hunting, although it was only around a year ago. It has been an arduous process, painfully slow, and one that has tested our patience beyond what we thought we could bare. Thankfully we serve a God who is able to take us beyond ourselves and lift us up to heights we could not attain on our own strength.

I recently told a friend that buying this house was like a birth. From the start the whole process was uncertain and seemed impossible. The home was a foreclosure, which means it was bank owned. The bank is down south in the LA area, so communication was difficult from the start. The market, as we know, is a tough one right now, and dealing with banks is even more challenging. When we put our bid in on the house, (the one and only bid), the bank responded immediately with a yes. However, as time progressed further contact proved to move at a snail's pace. One time it took us nearly 4 weeks to hear back from the bank. Labor had slowed to a screeching halt and it looked like we were headed for a C-Section. Then, miraculously the bank replied with another yes and things kept progressing.

The biggest road block we ran into was the fact that we were using a FHA loan, which requires certain health and safety standards. (Also which by the way only requires 3.5% down.) Foreclosures, (or REO's), are "as is" sales, meaning the bank sells the house as is and won't do any repairs. When the bank initially accepted our proposal they failed to notice that we were doing an FHA loan. The problem for them was that now they were in contract with us and since there were no other offers on the house - we were their best bet! I firmly believe God didn't allow them to see that we were doing an FHA loan. This house was for us, and nothing was going to stop that inevitability. An FHA appraiser had to come out to the house and assess the property. She found several major issues that needed repair and which added up to thousands of dollars. Our hearts sank and we worried that there was no way the bank would agree to fix these repairs. Our mortgage broker even told us that it probably wouldn't happen. Things slowed down yet again, and the bank wasn't talking. We had no idea if they would honor their agreement to sell us the house, which would include doing the needed repairs. Our mortgage broker told us that "This is a game of cat and mouse. Whoever backs down first looses." I told him firmly that we weren't backing down anytime soon - he doesn't know us very well!!

Then miraculously the bank signed the paper work and approved all of the structural repairs: Foundation work, plumbing, electrical and some other miscellaneous work. The total came to twelve thousand dollars. Once again God had come through for us. He provided an amazing contractor for us, one who was willing to comply with the bank's budget and get the work done on time.

One of the most amazing things about this house is the rock bottom price. The bank who owns the house is from Southern California, so they are unaware that we have an insulated market here. They priced the house way below current market value, at $175K. So we got the house for a super low price, considering the fact that it is nearly 2000 square feet. It was actually appraised at about 50K above the selling price! Then with the repairs added we got the house even cheaper. Also, the bank paid for 10K in closing costs, so if you deduct the closing costs and repairs we actually bought the house for around 155K!!

Now the cosmetic repairs are taking place. We're painting walls, ripping out old carpet and making the house livable. We finally get to bring the baby home!! It's been a long process, but now that the house is ours I can say it has been completely worth it! God has given us an amazing gift. One which we can share with our friends and family for years to come.

Perspectives and Beyond

So one would think that my mind would be focused on packing right now, since we're supposed to be moving into a new house soon. But instead I can't stop thinking about traveling to a different country, go figure. Let me explain; I'm taking a class called "Perspectives on the World Christian Movement." It's unlike any other class I've ever taken which has come as a pleasant surprise to me. It is not at all what I expected, and this is a good thing because I feel very ready for something different that will challenge me beyond where I've been spiritually. I've been feeling for a while that I was about to experience some significant growth spiritually, but wasn't sure how this growth would take place, or when for that matter. We all experience many varied stages in our spiritual growth. There are the valleys and the mountain tops, the flat level plains and the rugged cliffs. For a while I've been hanging out in the plains...for a long while honestly. There are good things about the plains; They aren't hard to navigate, nope, they are exceptionally easy! The ease can become monotonous though, and can even end up becoming a detriment if you start thinking that you get to stay in that place forever. You will have to go back up a hill again inevitably, or down into a valley for that matter!

Anyway, back to the class I'm taking. Perspectives is a class which focuses on God's heart for humanity and the nations, the current state of world wide missions, and is a guide book for reaching all cultures for Christ. I was told that it is a life changing class and I'm finding that to be true. It really is changing my perspectives on missions in ways I could never have imagined. I've always had a heart for missions since I can remember. My great grandma and grand father were missionaries to China before World War II. They barely escaped the country as the country was being invaded. They were literally on the last plane that flew out of their region. Then they were missionaries in Brazil to the unreached Amazon tribes, and went on to print the Bible and other Christian books into Portuguese. My grandmother used to tell me her missionary stories and I could spend hours writing them here, but I'll save that for another time....

I've been on several missions trips in my life: I went to Baja Mexico once while in High School and then again when I was in my early twenties. I have also been to England and went to a youth church planting school there in 1997. All of these trips impacted my life in a profound way, and I've always known I would be going over seas again for God...I just didn't know when. Honestly, in the last few years I've been wondering if I really would be going again.

But, here I am now, and the church I go to is currently praying about going over seas on a missions trip sometime this year! I'm so excited to be part of the prayer team and things seem to be falling into place. We're not sure where we're going yet, or when, but God will show us the whens and hows of it all in time I'm sure. I do have my worries and fears about all of this, but I know that God is bigger than any fear I could have. As my great grandma used to say, "If you're supposed to go honey God will show you and He will provide."

Great Truths

I ran across this poem from a blog on another friend's blog list and I felt it was so profound I wanted to share it. I love it when I come across something like this that speaks truth to my soul, confirming what God has been showing me.


Great truths are dearly bought,
the common truths,
Such as we give and take from day to day,
Come in the walk of easy life,
Blown by the careless wind across our way.

Great truths are greatly won,
not found by chance,
Nor wafted on the breath of summer dream;
But grasped in the great struggle of our soul,
Hard buffeting with adverse wind and stream.
But in the day of conflict, fear, and grief,

When the strong hand of God, put forth in might,
Plows up the subsoil of our stagnant heart,
And brings the imprisoned truth seed to the light.
Wrung from the troubled spirit,
in hard hours Of weakness, solitude, and times of pain,
Truth springs like harvest from the well-plowed field,
And our soul feels it has not wept in vain.

From Streams in the Desert

National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Today is the National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss. This day was created on September 28, 2006 by a resolution that passed through the House of Representatives. Here is a link to the official site for the National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss: http://www.october15th.com/

For those of you who don't know, I lost three babies through miscarriages. It's still difficult to talk or write about it, and the pain of the loss never completely subsides, but the sting is slowly fading away with time. These were three precious children I lost, three souls, three babies who never had a chance to live their lives here on earth. What hurts the most is that I won't get to even meet them until I pass from this life onto the next. My comfort is that they are in a far better, safer place right now and that someday I will meet them. They never had to feel the pain this life can bring, but they never got to experience the gift of humanity either in the sweet sorrow of their existence.

I still don't understand why God allowed them to live such short lives, but I do know that He has used the pain I have gone through with my losses to help comfort others who have had the same loss. He has brought good from the pain I suffered. Now I can bring comfort, healing and understanding to those who grieve, and for this I am thankful.

Thank you God for my three precious children who you hold tenderly in your arms. They are safe, warm and loved with a love beyond what I could comprehend; They know a far better love than any human could ever give. Thank you for their lives, although short on this earth but eternally yours. Although I miss them dearly, each day I live is one day closer to the day when I will see them, hold them, laugh with them and rejoice. This gives me more hope, more faith, and more trust in the One who created them and who holds them in the palm of His hand. Someday I will fully understand this mystery of life and death, but until then I will trust that the plans You had for them are for good, not evil. Thank You for the comfort You bring to the pain of loss so great it is hard to comprehend at times. It comes in enormous waves, but Your love is so much stronger. I feel I have come to know You better through this pain. Thank you for the comfort You bring to my heart and the hope you give that lights the way.

Getting Into Digital Art & Design

Recently our church asked for graphic design/art volunteers. Of course I jumped at the chance! They asked me to work on a graphic for our next series: eighteen///3. In a nut shell it involves our church working with kids through mentoring and other amazing ways. If you're interested in finding out more about the series you can go to my link for Catalyst - my church. I don't think the graphic is up on the web site yet, but it will be soon.

It was so much fun working on this graphic. I absolutely love Photoshop and I could spend hours, (seriously), working on images. I got this photo on line, tweaked it a bit, then found a cool font and messed around with it. Ron helped me out since he has had experience with designing.

Part of the reason I was excited to do this graphic is that I plan to go back to school to finish up my art degree with the ultimate goal of becoming a graphic designer. It has been a life time dream of mine to get an art degree. I was able to get an AA in transfer studies and art, so all of my general ed is out of the way, wohoo! When I go back I will be able to take art classes with a focus in graphic design. Justin will be going to pre-school in about a year and a half and I plan to take classes while he is in school. So, that's the big plan I have coming up in the near future...stay posted, more to come on this!

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

So last week was one of those weeks....one of those hit rock bottom, end of your rope, I can't do this anymore!!! weeks. I was doing some serious naval gazing and feeling very sorry for myself. Just picture Eeyore on steroids. About the time I started to question the very existence of the universe, (ok, that's a bit dramatic, but you get the picture), an old friend called. She is what I call a comfort food friend. "April, I had a dream about you, I just felt like I needed to call you." I hadn't talked to her in three years. She is one of those friends who has been there for me no matter what. She's seen me during my highs and lows, when I was on the mountain top, and when I hit the valley. She's known me pre marriage and pre kids, in my most beautiful moments and in my ugliest...and she is still my friend. We can pick up where we left off even if it's been years. It felt so wonderful to hear her voice and to be able to share with her what was going on in my life. She didn't judge me; she just listened patiently and told me to call her any time I needed to, no matter what. This meant the world to me.

Then a few days later another good friend called, who I hadn't talked to in a year. He is another friend who has been there through hard times and good times. He was our family nurse, (well, he was our neighbor, but when Sarah was sick I'd call him over for a house call, just to make sure she was ok.) It felt good to know that he was thinking about us, and even stuck in city traffic he picked up the phone and called little 'ol us.

About four days later yet another old friend called! I hadn't talked to her in years as well. I've known her since I was about 12, and she is a wonderful person. She has had so many trials in her life, but she always finds a way to laugh in spite of it all.

Then I was also able to connect with some old school friends through face book of all places. People who's parents knew mine in high school before we were even thought of - cradle to grave friends. We teased one another, called each other those dreaded nick names, and promised to catch up over coffee when I go home for Christmas.

I still find it amazing that the God of the universe cares about me like this. Little old me living in a tiny town in Northern California, living an average life. Little old me complaining and whinning, feeling sorry for myself. None of my little problems are too small for Him to consider...and best of all He calls me a friend.

Life Group

Recently we started hosting a life group for our church. We meet once a week at our house and discuss Sunday's sermon, pray, build relationship and eat cookies! It's been great having that mid week fellowship and encouragement, plus we love having people over too. Once a month we have a fun night, so a few weeks ago we lit a fire in our new above ground fire pit and roasted marshmellows and made smores. It was great fun!

Here is our group shot. The guy on the left is Jacob. He is planning to go on the mission field to Brazil in the fall, but he's here in the mean time.